Touhou 168: The Strongest Mariachi - Total Ice Fairy Overkill
by linkinparkfangirl
Summary: One fairy. One guitar. A latin-american country filled with bad guys.


(a/n: I blame Tumblr. I saw a picture and got inspired. I only spend two hours writing this first chapter. If people don't hate it, i might read more. Also, i apologize to the country of Mexico.)

**Touhou 16.8: The Strongest Mariachi - Total Ice Fairy Overkill**

**Chapter 1**

It was a sunny and excessively warm day in Mexico. The law-abiding citizens of Mariachiville had long been plagued by the evil drug lord Mendoza and his private army of stereotypical Mexican gringos. Little did they know that today would be the most awesomely bloody day of justice in history.

The little girl walked briskly towards the front gate of Mariachiville. Since the entire town was walled in with mountains of cocaine, the good and law-abiding citizens had to travel through narrow cocainetunnels filled with guards to their burritofarms. The little girl was short and with blue hair. The blue dress did well emphasize the fact that was she was paler than most white people, and that unlike most white people, she had god damn wings. In her hands she clutched tightly on to her magic guitar which was magically awesome. At the gate there was only one guard. He was named Pedro and had a comically large moustache. The little girl looked at him and firmly said "Tell me where Mendoza is."

Pedro calmly assessed the situation before saying "non." Moments later the little girl shot a icicle from her guitar and into Pedro's face, killing him instantly. The little girl sighed as she walked through the cocainetunnel when another moustachioed bad guy ran towards her.  
"Pedro! NO!" he screamed before taking a really large icicle through his stomach.

"You are already dead" whispered the little girl as she walked by the stunned man who was still standing upright. She walked out of the tunnel and into the town as a huge iceexplosion blew up the cocainetunnel, causing everyone to pay attention to the little girl and her fantastical instrument of vengeance.

She took a few moments to look around and analyze her situation: 1 town, 100 bad guys, 587 innocent bystanders, 1 evil drug lord and 1 magical girl on a rampage. Not a single thing about this seemed odd. It didn't seem odd that at least 10 men ran towards her with assault rifles pointing at her face.

"Any last words, little _puta_?" spat the leader of the men. The little girl smiled and said "I came here to get vengeance and eat icecream, and I'm all outta icecream, baby!"  
The men didn't bother wait for the order and instinctively fired hundreds of bullets at her face. The girl didn't break out of the smile, stepped to the side, held her guitar by that long neck-bit and swung the whole thing like a baseball bat. She swung a homerun, several hundred homeruns in fact. The guitar took all the bullets and threw them right back into the faces of the bad guys, exploding all of their heads in a cloud of blood and bits of brain and skull. All while an announcer boomed M-M-M-M-MONSTERKILL! KILL! KILL!

The little girl was the only one left standing. Triumphantly she raised her guitar into the air and shouted: "All right listen up you primitive screwheads! See me? My name is Cirno and I'm the strongest! And I'm going to find Mendoza, stomp a mudhole in his ass and walk it dry! And that's the bottomline 'cause I said so!"

Not really that it mattered. Noone could hear her over the fact that she got slapped in her face in the middle of the speech and didn't notice. Suddenly, in front of Cirno stood a red-haired woman clad in a green dress.

"My name is Hong Meiling! You blew up my gate! Prepare for a bossfight!"

Dramatic piano music began to play, but because this was Mexico it was played by a fat man wearing a sombrero.

Cirno took the first shot, aiming her guitar directly at her assailants face, firing a thousand lethal bullets at her, missing with every single one. Hong calmly walked up and slapped her again. Cirno took the gravest of offense to this, aimed her guitar and fired TEN thousand bullets. Again she missed with every single one.

"One word and I hit you again" Miss Meiling said sternly. Naturally Cirno did not understand this and proceeded to smile and said "Deal with it". Then sunglasses fell down from the sky and landed on her face. Meiling slapped her for a third time, then a huge icesplosion tore through the space/time continuum and launched her backwards into the ground.

"No… how could this be… I'll be fired AGAIN" she cried to Cirno. Cirno didn't care, for her skin was made out of bullets. Cirno cared so little in fact, that she proceeded to walk towards the town center to find out where Mendoza was hiding.


End file.
